Ninety percent of all kids in America get spanked, and black kids get spanked somewhat more than white kids. For those of you who’ve read my books and who’ve been reading this blog for awhile, you know that I am staunchly biased against spanking kids. So, it was this pretty strong confirmation bias that blinded me to the work of Kenneth Dodge. Dodge is a well-regarded professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University, and he’s been researching corporal punishment and its effect on aggression in kids for decades.
Essentially, what Dodge and his colleagues found is that spanking correlates with higher levels of aggression in white kids, but with lower levels in black kids. As you might expect, these research findings were confounding and not especially warmly received by the larger research community. So Dodge and his team set about to try to understand them in more depth. What they eventually deduced was that culture and environment played a significant role in their findings. Because it was a regular part of black culture, they determined, spanking was essentially no big deal. In fact, early ethnographers equated spanking with love in black culture, and as the “legitimate expression of parental authority.” Not so for whites, where spanking is a closeted, unspoken taboo often triggered by frustration and anger.
Qualifying the Findings
To their credit, Dodge et al did qualify their findings, stating that with regard to black kids: “Spanking might not have proven long-term negative effects if (1) the spanking is administered in a cultural context of normative use; (2) spanking occurs in a family context of emotional support for the child; (3) spanking is applied in a systematic, non-angry manner with clear instrumental goals for the child; and (4) the harshness of the spanking never exceeds thresholds that could constitute physical abuse.”
I take several things away from Dodge’s research. One is that people are complex and we are exponentially more complex within different cultural contexts, and that our own insider and outsider biases need to be carefully examined. Additionally, this research doesn’t legitimize spanking black kids or white, nor does Dodge want it to. We really have no idea how the spankings those black kids received might have inhibited development and later neural connectivity in ways that affected other than aggression. Were they not spanked, how many of them might have generated sufficient neural connectivity and integration to grow up and become President of the United States?
This question also presents itself: what might our country and the rest of the world look like if the spanking statistics were reversed, that is, if 90% of the kids in this country were raised without spanking? What if the world that parents modeled was one that did not use physical aggression as a means of addressing conflicts and promoting discipline, but instead they worked hard at coming up with novel and creative ways to produce long term results that a quick slap produces in the short term? These are tough questions that I don’t expect to be answered in my lifetime. Here’s one reason why …
Teaching by Example
Several years ago when I taught parenting classes, I enlisted a confederate before class. During the class I would ask for a volunteer and select the confederate and we would explore some aspect of their parenting practice. During the exchange I would subtly put them down and then at some point, I would unexpectedly slap them across the face. Not hard, but loud enough to be heard around the room. Then I would immediately ask parents to pay attention to what they were feeling in their bodies.
I stopped doing this exercise though after two classes, because the live emotional reaction to it was more of a distraction than anything. People missed the point. They became limbically hijacked, expressing various degrees of confusion, hilarity, shame, anger, embarrassment and betrayal. It clearly made them uncomfortable, even after I would disclose the collaboration of the willing confederate. When I would try to explain that as these feelings were triggered in them, so were large releases of cortisol and adrenaline, which are known neural inhibitors – glucocorticoids that prevent us from thinking straight. And this powerful reaction was going on with people (the parent members of the class) who were only watching! Imagine what the experience is like for the child on the receiving end who’s not a confederate, who won’t have a fully developed brain until age 25 or so. My intent was to actively demonstrate that hitting kids is not only neurologically compromising for the kids, it’s probably even worse for parents, much the way that killing people is detrimental for soldiers and policemen in the subsequent degree of PTSD they later develop. Sadly, based on current national spanking statistics, I don’t think that understanding happened.
A child that runs out into the street without looking needs their butt spanked hard–on the spot–so that they remember never to do that again. That is the only thing that works! Boys that hit their sisters in the face also need to be spanked. Kids that play with matches need to be spanked. Boys that swing things like branches and baseball bats without regard to others safety need to be spanked. Kids that use the F word and swear at their parents need to be spanked. Anybody that says different is just plain stupid.
the example of slapping an adult out of the blue is not what I experienced being spanked as a child. In fact, there were very CLEAR BOUNDARIES and consequences for certain infractions laid out and explained in advance. Negative actions often receive negative consequences,, for adults they may get handcuffed and sent to jail,, and many may logically and rightfully FEAR such a consequence enough to walk straight. Children, however, cant be locked up but similarly exist and grow with real boundaries and (possibly unpleasant and scary) consequences. I was never slapped out of the blue. My spankings were the just deserts of certain unacceptable infractions that had been explained to me long before I chose to do them and again before I received my spanking. We were taught we always had CHOICES,, the choice to do the ‘crime’ was the choice to do the ‘time’,,,and that’s what most of us experience when we become adults,,,,
Nearly three times as many black families live under the poverty line than white families (8% vs. 23%). There’s a pretty strong correlation between poverty, poor school performance, and poor home life.
You can’t objectively study the effects of one individual behavior trait between two dramatically different groups without accounting for those differences. If this “analysis” accounted for these significant demographic factors, like income, education of parents, and physical place of residence, I doubt you’d see any difference in the results between blacks and whites. According to the study, the only variables accounted for were “gender, age, and Cognitive Stimulation” — whatever that last one is. As such it’s really quite meaningless.
Intuitively, corporal punishment at least means the parents care at all about the behavior of their kids. Many poor, inner city kids have no supervision – and probably no punishment for whatever they do. For these kids, “no corporal punishment” often just means that the parents don’t care, which plays far more into the eventual personality traits of that child than whether or not they were spanked.
Physical violence harms children no matter their culture. The human psyche, deep down, is the same for all of us.
You can sell corporal punishment any way you want, but the psyche knows better.
Marketing corporal punishment as “love” is a justification for parental violence – regardless of culture.
The promotion and tolerance of corporal punishment in African American culture is high. I saw a poll some years back showing support at 83%. But broad support does not equal a good idea. Wife beating; child labor; slavery; and whites-only voting were also really popular at one time.
Let’s give up the violence against children and create a more humane place to live – for them, and for us.
“Three Styles of Parenting” research by Diana Baumrind (1967, 1971). It should be pointed out that these three styles reflect underlying love and concern. Two more styles have since been identified: neglectful and indulgent.
I will always remember a family of color back in my days of community college instructing. The mother enrolled in Infancy Studies (text book “Infants, Toddlers and Caregivers” by Janet Gonzalez-Mena dedicated in every edition to my teacher Magda Gerber) and participated in free Saturday observation classes I facilitated for families with infants and toddlers which the college students were required to observe. She brought her infant daughter to the three-class series and concretely saw that her baby’s point of view mattered, a new idea encountered in the course curriculum. When she had her heart and mind opened up to the humanity of young children, she insisted that her husband enroll in the course the next semester. He had been pretty rough with their middle child, an 18 month-old boy. But once he began to see what his wife had been explaining, he too chose to offer this boy a chance to explore and express more autonomy. Instead of being uncomfortably held on the edge of the bathroom sink while his father soaped and rinsed his little hands, dad placed a stool at the bathroom sink so the toddler could step up closer to the faucet and wash his own hands with soap he himself picked up. Once the father realized how gentleness and freedom of movement paid off in a bigger piece of humane living, he turned to his 3 year-old son whom he had been spanking regularly. The day he told his boy that he would not do this anymore, the child told his father he wanted him to spank him. Gerber defines this phenomenon well: “What children get, they come to expect and eventually they need.” Of course that did not sway the man from following his new vision of fatherhood, and their relationship began to change dramatically. Indeed so did his marriage, and of course his other two children felt differently as well. Beyond all that wonder, he changed the most. I saw him just about every semester walking in the halls from another child development class he was taking to get a teaching credential , his new-found career. He even came to speak to my class about the transformation from abusive authoritarian parenting to democratic authoritative parenting. That’s the type research says has the best outcomes. See research can point to ways that support one’s humanity instead of hindering it. And change is always potentially in the wings…if we can learn to “see…with new eyes.” (www.rie.org)
Mark,
You are writing about an issue that stirs up deep emotions. Much like your blog on porn, this post has people on both sides of the fence.
I agree with you that spanking is harmful. I don’t care how it is administered. It activates the limbic area of the brain and that is not good for a child. It is better to find ways to teach without instilling fear.
I well remember my father’s belt and the wooden ruler my mother used to “teach” my sister and I. All it taught me was my parents could not be trusted to know who I really was
( or am) and that any behavior I didn’t want them to know about, I learned how to hide carefully. To this day, I don’t allow my father to know who I really am. And that is so sad! But he still jokes about “taking off his belt..” and even at 52, knowing it is a sick joke on his part, I still have to swallow hard to get rid of the desire to vomit.
I didn’t spank my kids. They never ran out into the street, as one person commented that a spanking was a useful tool for teaching safety. I disagree. You want your children to feel SAFE around YOU! IF you spank them, they won’t feel safe!
Thanks for writing another amazing blog. Stirred up my limbic system just remembering the spankings I had to endure growing up.
Parents, don’t hit your children. For any reason. Help them feel safe enough to tell you who they really are. Help their brains and hearts grow. You can’t do that very well when you make them scared or humiliated.
I love your example of slapping the face of an adult, just sitting here in my chair at home it gave me an emotional reaction that explains why hitting is bad all around, the best one I think I’ve ever heard. I’m surprised it didn’t work in the classroom.
My question to you is, what about adopted black children being raised by white parents? Children of mixed race? My presumption is that it’s not about “black” children, but about the culture the child is being raised in.
I donno Mark, I must have been raised black.
Have to disagree with the research with regards to my own experiences in my family of origin and with my own children. A firm pat on the butt can change a primitive little mind and make them pay attention better for next time. Of course beatings are something else. Toni
One thing that the researchers might need to consider is that spanking may have become normalized in black culture due to the conditions of physical abuse of slaves. I would like to know how discipline was in the tribes of origin pre-slavery. My understanding is that some of the physical abuse that happens in African American culture is a residual from slavery. – Brianna
I will never forget being in 2nd grade gym class and the embarassment of someone asking me what the welts were on the back of my legs, my Dad spanked me using a belt. I DO NOT remember what the punishment was for.
When it was my time to parent, my Dad and I obviously disagreed how I should discipline my son. In fact, there were times my Dad stepped in without asking. I would not talk to him for weeks after. It wasnt until after he died I got a message from him asking forgiveness for these actions.
It is so clear that the “love in black coulture and legitimate expression of parental authority” that you mentioned in paragraph 2 is what the Bible meant when it speaks of “spare the rod, spoil the child”. The reason we have so many hellions running the roads, playgrounds and schools is because too many parents have fallen for that ‘Time out” joke. Teachers have had their ability to discipline taken away and school systems fail to expell the trouble makers.
If Biblical examples of correcting children were followed we would have less crime and violence in society and less acting out in school.
As a nation in general, we have kicked God (JESUS) out of our schools, there are those who want to take him off of our currency, and even others who would forbid us to speak his words if it offends a few. It is suppose to offend those who sin and speak contrary to his word. How else will they be convicted.
Mark, your blog should be required reading for anyone seeking a concealed parenting permit.
I’m so grateful for how you regularly articulate how your own biases have shaped your views over the years. We all take such a huge leap toward maturity when we simply recognize how what we WANT to be true can blind us to solid data and research.
I’m trying to soak in what your blog means for my thoughts on spanking. In general, I continue to teach that spanking can be an important part of discipline if one core principal is affirmed: A child should always be given the opportunity to avoid a spanking. My one caveat has been situations in which a child places themselves in imminent danger, and where allowing the child to learn by experience would be deadly (for example, my children knew that if they ran out into the street they were going to a firm swat on the bottom with my hand).
Although I don’t think your post challenges the core of how I think about the subject, you are definitely pushing me to think more broadly about the overall family atmosphere in which discipline occurs.