1. Together with the help of many others, I managed to rise out of poverty and overcome 8 out of 10 ACES (Adverse Childhood Experiences – the thing that most contributes to creating mass murderers) and the dysfunctional conditioning provided by spending most of my early life with a single mom on welfare in an inner-city housing project.
2. Together with the help of others, I jumped off the pier into the deep end of the water at Yale Camp for Underprivileged Kids when I was 10 years old, not knowing how to swim. I simply watched what the other kids did with their legs and arms and copied it for myself. That has turned out to be a profound, lifelong metaphor for much that has subsequently unfolded in my life.
3. Together with the help of others, although arrested a number of times in my teens and early 20s, I somehow managed to steer clear of the criminal justice system, often by the luck of the draw and the grace of some seemingly higher power.
4. Together with the help of others, I managed to follow a spiritual directive delivered in my 20s by a Turkish Sufi wisdom teacher who instructed: “Provide shelter for people.” Over my lifetime I have built or significantly remodeled over 100 homes.
5. Together with the help of others, I hired a number of minorities in my house-building business, trained them well, paid them above market, and supported them in going out and becoming even more successful than I was.
6. Together with the help of others, I managed to take on and embrace the hard work of forgiving both of my parents. They each suffered horrendous experiences in their lives that contributed to their limited possibilities for being at home and at peace in the world. And I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that, as much as I wished it had been different, they each did the very best they could raising my sisters and me.
7. Together with the help of others, I managed to take on the care and feeding of a number of animals in my life. From Corky, to Ginger, to Buster, to Poppy, to Nellie, to Natale, to Raoul, to Lulu, to Archie, to Gracie, to Bodhi, to Emma, to Abby, to Phanny, to Ollie, they have all been uniquely instructive teachers and endearing companions on the Journey.
8. Together with the supportive help of others, I managed to graduate high school, attain an AA degree, a BA degree, an MA degree, an MS degree and a PhD degree. I also managed to sustain 18 years of “independent study” in neuroscience that I hope and suspect has served me and others particularly well.
9. Together with the help of others, I managed to co-create and develop curriculum for the nation’s first online Masters Degree program in psychology at Sofia University. It was based on the hybrid mix of in-person meetings and online discussions modeled on the WELL (Whole Earth ‘Lectronic Link) – the world’s first public online community.
10. Together with the help of others, I managed to balance my years of “right brain” education with 10 years of high level “left brain” exposure at the Stanford Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences. I hired on there – undercover – disguised as the maintenance man so as to closely observe behavioral scientists in their natural habitat.
11. Together with the help of others, I was able to work as a volunteer in a community grief counseling agency (Kara, in Palo Alto) for 25 years. It was there that we began what turned out to be a very successful children’s grief program – the second one in the country, modeled after the first – The Dougy Center in Portland, Oregon.
12. Together with the help of others, I managed to take on and overcome what can best be described as functional autism – damage that compromised the social circuitry of my nervous system. In an effort to support and facilitate healing that I believe is constantly trying to happen, terrified, I deliberately went about doing the work of becoming a reasonable skillful university instructor.
13. Together with the help of others, I managed to research, experiment and cure myself of panic attacks that I didn’t even know I suffered from for the first 55 years of my life (I would simply, inexplicably become hyper-aroused for no conscious reason and have to flee from wherever I happened to be. The fleeing usually worked to metabolize the stress hormones and calm me down). I’ve been panic-free for the last 20 years.
14. Together with the help of others, I managed to enter into several sustained, mutually supportive and growth-producing long-term relationships. One of them produced a daughter, Amanda, who’s doing wise work in the world and of whom I’m especially proud. Another produced 15 Bernese Mountain Dog pups! 🙂
15. Together with the help of others, over the last 50 years or so, to the best of my ability I’ve managed to become a person who has made it a priority to be a help to others.
16. Together with the help of others, I have managed on a number of occasions in my life to speak truth to power, often to good effect. When I saw children in our community grief program being exploited by the agency to raise money, I spoke up. When I saw good people turn their lives upside down and out of balance and create suffering in their own families in order to “serve the greater good”, I spoke up. When I saw the leaders of a spiritual group, operating in ways that exploited group members, I spoke up.
17. Together with the help of others, I took a directive I received in graduate school to heart: “If you want to be a help to others and avoid all conflicts of interest, find another way to make a living and offer your help for free.” As much of my life as I could manage has been oriented from this perspective.
18. Together with the help of others, I managed to survive 25 consecutive years of stock market losses and still managed to become a member of The Lousy Millionaire’s Club (members are people who have made and lost $1,000,000 several times. I made the money in real estate – not the stock market … yet).
19. Together with the help of others, I wrote and leave a collection of books (The Wisdom of Listening, Noble Listening, Fierce Listening, Sacred Listening) intended to provide people with granular instruction in the art of being able to be present to and listen deeply to other people, places and things – to basically help them function as gods in the universe – since listening seems to be pretty much God’s main job.
20. Together with the help of others, I managed to fulfill the early life dream of becoming a novelist. I wrote and completed three novels: The Icing of the Shooter, Psychomanteum and Death School. Psychomanteum sits on the library shelves of The Stanford Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences, along with books by Nobel Laureates and MacArthur Genius Award Winners (The novel was set on the SCASBS campus).
21. Together with the help of others, I managed to write and sustain the weekly Flowering Brain neuroscience blog for over a decade. My intention with it from the beginning was “to translate neuroscience to help inspire a life of grace and meaning.”
22. Together with the help of others, I managed to go from being a devout, gun-hoarding misanthrope to a considerate, understanding, embracer of humanity. I grew to learn that none of escapes childhood unscathed and none of us gets out of this world alive. And we all are left with our unique neurobiology to grapple with what happens in the time and space in between, the very best way we can.
23. Together with the help of others, I managed to assemble a team of Trickster Philanthropists and together we managed to help fund the development of a gas-powered, portable, concrete core drill that is currently used by fire departments and search and rescue teams all over the world. That tool alone is responsible for saving thousands of lives.
24. Together with the help of others, over these last years, I have worked diligently daily to discern between wisdom and ignorance in my words, thoughts and deeds. I can say, with genuine humility, much of that time has been spent on the ignorance side of the street. And frequently continues to be.
25. Together with the help of others, I explored a wide variety of spiritual pursuits. I informally studied in Catholicism, Protestantism, Mormonism, Judaism, Sufism and Buddhism. I also engaged with most every kind of entheogen available for human experimentation. As a result, I’ve come to the conclusion that my own brain/mind/body has not been sufficiently developed to date to become “God-realized.”
26. Together with the help of others, over these last years, I’ve put together instructive neuroscience Powerpoint teaching modules on The Six Perfections (Generosity, Morality, Patience, Joyful Effort, Meditation and Wisdom), Live Wired for Sacred Relationship and The Grieving Brain (available free to anyone who’d like copies of them).
27. Together with the help of others, I managed to reframe a cancer diagnosis as a Call to Adventure – The Hero’s Journey. I learned more through direct experience about cancer and radiation and chemotherapy than I ever cared to at any point in my life. I returned to the Ordinary World with the Boon, as this adventure called life draws day by day ever closer to a close.